Suicide watch

Life is precious and must be preserved at all costs. Millions of people around the world, due to chemical imbalances in their brains, suffer from deep life shattering depression. Without proper treatment, medication, and intervention from loved ones they sometimes, in their despair, opt for suicide. It is a tragedy every time it happens. Every life lost this way is a blow to the human community as a whole. These people deserve our compassion and our help, and if it is necessary to open the public coffers to aid them, I say let's do it.

however . . .

However . . .

HOWEVER . . .

Why do we spend hundreds of millions of dollars every year stopping the scum of society from doing the world a favor? If, like the samurais of old, a killing-raping-drug-dealing parasite can no longer live with the shame of being who he is, who are we to stop him from performing the first honorable act of his miserable life?

If I walked into a shopping mall in New York State, for example, and opened fire on innocent people, killing thirty and wounding fifty more, then decided to lay down my gun and wait for the police, the public would only hear about me being in custody. The naïve and the trusting would rejoice. He's in jail. In the slammer. Oh boy, he's going to get it now. He'll pay for what he did to those poor people. Wait until they lock him in a dark hole and throw away the key.

Of course, after being handcuffed and treated with kid's gloves all the way to jail because no cop wants to get fired for roughing up a guy that will be headlined in the news for the next year, I will be processed and taken for a medical and psychological evaluation. I will be classified 'high profile'. Every administrator will make it clear that nothing is to happen to me. Because of the nature of my crime I will be placed in some sort of special housing on a one-on-one 'constant observation'. This will usually be an air conditioned room with no bars anywhere, a pretty comfortable bed, and an officer assigned to watch me twenty four hours a day in case I decide to do the unthinkable -- commit suicide.

The manpower costs alone, depending on the region, will be upwards of a thousand dollars a day. Over three hundred and sixty five thousand dollars a year. I will have a medical staff at my disposal which I can use on a whim, and if I happen to have any real illnesses I will receive a level of medical care the average millionaire will have difficulty matching. I will not even be allowed to take generic drugs because that would be degrading. Nothing but the best for me. There is no death penalty in New York State. If I am relatively young… well you do the math.

Jails across America are fully manned when criminals are locked in their cells asleep, all in the name of suicide prevention. The costs are astronomical.

Solution? Simple. Let them hang. Let them hang like piñatas.

If they want to die and rid the world of their noxious, parasitic presence, let's thank them.

Hell, let's help them.

The handy among us can teach seminars on how to properly tie a knot, old ladies can sit on their porches weaving hang quality rope, college students can volunteer their time digging holes, and civilized society will be a hell of a lot better off for it.